Little Known Fact

Contrary to popular belief, auditors don't actually enjoy finding errors. It only creates more work for us.

The Housewife Wannabe Cooks: Mystery Rolls (Balls)

I have died and gone to heaven. A buttery death that has landed me in blue cheese heaven. And I don't regret it a bit.

I found this recipe on one of my new favorite websites, The Pioneer Woman, and immediately knew they were for me. Biscuits? Love them. Butter? LOVE it. Blue cheese? OMG IS THAT EVEN A QUESTION? I made these this past Sunday and subsequently was required to freeze about half of them before I ate the whole pan. I was starving when I made them, so didn't bother taking pictures, but severely regretted this decision as this is definitely a recipe to be shared. But thankfully, my lovely sister had a work potluck this week and it gave me the perfect opportunity to capture these Mystery Rolls (Maggie and I have renamed them Mystery Balls - we believe it adds to the mystery).

I think another thing I like about them is their potential versatility. While I haven't done it, I would imagine you could replace the blue cheese with another aged cheese to match your meal. Italian? Try some Parmesan. Greek? Feta, clearly. Mexican? Cojita. Chinese? Um... do the Chinese eat cheese?

Anyhow, here's the recipe.

What you need:

1 can flaky biscuits (pretend there's only one in the picture above)
Approximately 4 oz. blue cheese
1 stick butter


Maggie accidentally bought regular Buttermilk and while they were good, based on my experience with the first round, I would highly recommend the flaky kind. Much more absorbent. For the butter. And the cheese. But primarily for the butter.

Although, this can does a better job of resembling what your stomach will look like if you eat the whole pan.

Also, we used pre-crumbled blue cheese in this round whereas I used the chuck and crumbled it myself for the first go-round. Not sure if it had to do with the biscuits, but I think I preferred the chunk. Much more robust.


1. Place the butter in a baking pan.

2. Crumble the blue cheese and sprinkle over the butter.

3. Melt in the oven. I didn't time it, just checked on it occasionally.

4. While butter and blue cheese are melting, cut the biscuits into fourths.

Maggie really wanted them to be balls.

5. After removing the butter/cheese mixture from the oven, stir to mix thoroughly.



6. Roll the biscuits in the butter/cheese.




7. Bake in the same pan you melted the butter and cheese. I did this the first time, but when Maggie and I made them together, we were making so many that we had to distribute some to cookie sheets. Believe me. Much better when baked in the butter. This may seem like a gluttonous, heart clogging step. And it is. But it makes them much better. Your arteries will hate me, but your mouth will love me.

OMG - would you look at the golden buttery cheesiness?

NOW - EAT!

Hey, but really... do the Chinese eat cheese?

The Housewife Wannabe Cooks: Mardi Gras King Cake

King Cake is one of those desserts that I seriously dream about. You think I'm lying, but if I were to go to New Orleans right now, I'd buy about 15 of them. And probably down them within a week. You think I'm kidding. I'm not.

No, seriously. I love King Cake.

Anyhow, I was first introduced to King Cake in middle school French class when Mme Dodson was teaching us about Mardi Gras. We would have a Mardi Gras celebration and order a King Cake from La Madeleine and whoever got the baby received a prize. While the King Cake was good, my highly developed 7th grade taste buds were not thoroughly impressed.

HOWEVER! My true affair with King Cake began in 2006 when I lived with my good friend Nicole. Nicole's mom is originally from New Orleans and every year around Mardi Gras, we'd get a fresh King Cake from deep in the French Quarter. And when these King Cakes would arrive... WATCH. OUT.

I used to try and trick myself into thinking that I wasn't eating that much, because I'd just cut a sliver here and a sliver there. And then I would look at the King Cake and realized I'd already eaten half of it. And I hadn't even left for work yet.

No, seriously. I love King Cake.

I'd always wanted to attempt to make it, but never really felt like making dough from flour, yeast, rolling it out, etc. I like cooking and baking, but nothing that intense unless it's a really special occasion. However, few weekends ago I was flipping through the TV and because it was Sunday morning and there were no crime shows on, I settled on Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee. Sidenote: This woman has some really good ideas, but damn if there isn't something about her that makes me want to punch her square in the jaw. Not sure what it is. But, the recipe seemed easy, so thought I would try it.

Two caveats: Although Mardi Gras was today, I actually made this a couple of weeks ago. Sprinkling purple, green, and yellow sugar didn't seem appropriate at the time, so I just used chocolate sprinkles instead. Also, since I wasn't making this for Mardi Gras and no special guests in particular, I didn't insert the plastic baby. If you wanted to do that, you would hide the baby in one of the braids after removing the cake from the oven and before frosting it.

What you need:

1 can breadsticks
1 (12 oz.) can whipped cream cheese frosting
1/4 c. whipping cream
Purple sanding sugar
Green sanding sugar
Gold (yellow) sanding sugar

1. Open the breadsticks and press together the ends of two sticks to make one long stick. Repeat with the remaining breadsticks, forming six long sticks.



2. Take 3 of the long breadsticks and press the ends together.



3. Braid the breadsticks together.



4. Repeat steps 2 and 3 with the remaining breadsticks.

5. Coil braids around one another, forming an oval shape. Press ends together.



6. Bake at 400 degrees for 16-20 minutes or until golden brown.


7. While baking, combine the frosting and whipping cream in a saucepan over low heat. Heat glaze until smooth, stirring constantly.

8. Pour the glaze over the cake and sprinkle with chocolate sprinkles... err, sanding sugars. Whatev.

Now, let it be said that this cake is good. It would obviously take a significant amount more work to get it to the New Orleans French Quarter caliber, but it was still really good (read: it was gone in less than 24 hours). Matt especially liked it because it "wasn't too sweet." I didn't know there was such a thing.

But I think it needs a little more flavor.

I did a little searching and found that many of the recipes that make this from scratch include cinnamon, jam, stuff with flavor. Then, I found this recipe and while I don't necessarily want to make mini King Cakes, I do like the cinnamon roll aspect. I think next time I'll use the exact same recipe from Sandra Lee, except I'll try canned cinnamon rolls.

The Housewife Wannabe Cooks: Oh Me Oh My DIET Chicken Tenders with Tomato Jam

Ok, so I realize yesterday I said I would post four recipes this week. I also realize that these four recipes are part of what's contributing my feelings of large-ness lately and I have decided that I'm going to attempt some Weight Watchers on my own. It's how I lost 10 pounds before my wedding, so I know it will work, but it's just about committment. And I'm serious this time. Sorta.

All of this to say, this is not one of the recipes I mentioned yesterday. But it was so good, I couldn't resist!

Anyhow, based on this new dieting and thanks to the bi-monthly Weight Watchers magazine (March/April 2009 issue) to which I subscribe, I found this AWESOME diet chicken fingers recipe. With tomato dipping jam to boot! And, despite the comedy of errors I had in making this, it turned out really good. Now don't get me wrong. This is not your grandmother's homemade deep fried chicken. But it's pretty damn good. Especially when dieting.

Let's begin!

First, we're gonna make the tomato jam. Now let it be said, I will probably not make this part again. Good? Yeah. Would some marinara sauce from a can work equally well? Absolutely. Especially when you're a corporate monkey and don't get home until 7:30. BUT! Now I know better.

What you need:
2 t. olive oil
1 large shallot, finely chopped
2 t. grated peeled fresh ginger
1 (14.5 oz) can diced tomatoes, drained
1 t. sugar
pinch cayenne


1. Heat the olive oil in a saucepan over medium heat. Please ignore the strawberry puree, rum, and lime juice in the background. My sister's boyfriend is really into daiquiris lately.

mmm - oily!

2. Add the shallot and ginger and cook for approximately 5 minutes or until tender. Now. Let it be known that I hate onion. Love the flavor, hate the texture. Also. A shallot is pretty much the same thing as an onion. So I threw that bitch into the food processor first.

Die Evil Onion-like Creature!

Aaahhh - much better!

3. Add the can of drained tomatoes.

4. Add a teaspoon of sugar.

Enter error #1 - I added a pinch. I promptly corrected the error. Again, please ignore the daiquiri fixings.

5. Add a pinch of cayenne pepper (See how I got confused above? It could have happened to anyone!). Ahh, but wait. Enter error #2. I didn't have any cayenne pepper. So I used a dash of dried red pepper flakes and a dash of chipotle chili pepper. I could add a picture, but it's not a whole lot different than the one above.

6. Bring to a boil, reduce heat and simmer for 15 minutes to evaporate the liquid. Please imagine what it looks like. I forgot to take a picture.

NOW. I also don't really like tomatoes too much. Flavor? Yes. Texture? No. Thank. You. I eat marinara, pizza sauce, ketchup, etc. But actual tomato chunks? Forget it. So I pureed. Just a personal preference.

Onto the delightful chicken tenders.

What you need:

2 slices whole wheat bread, torn up
1/2 c. Greek-style fat-free yogurt
1 lb. chicken tenders
1 t. dried thyme
1/2 t. salt
1/2 t. coarse ground black pepper

1. Crumble the whole wheat bread in a food processor. I left the bread out on the counter while I was at work to make it a little stale. The middle was still a little soft, and had trouble crumbling in the food processor, so next time I will tear the slices in half.

Ta-Da!

2. Transfer the crumbs to a skillet over high heat.

Whoops, that's not a skillet (Error #3!)

Here we go.

3. Toast bread crumbs over the heat, stirring constantly, for approximately 4 minutes.

4. Sprinkle the thyme, salt, and pepper over the chicken. I ended up using garlic salt and seasoned pepper for some more flavor. I also likely used more than 1 t. of thyme seeing as how I just estimated, but HEY! It's diet - we need more flavor since we're cutting back on the grease.

5. Put the yogurt in a bowl.

6. Stir the chicken in and coat well.

7. Transfer the bread crumbs to a shallow bowl and toss in chicken to coat.

I love how they got lonely and cuddled up to one side together!

8. Place the tenders on a a baking sheet and bake at 500 degrees for approximately 10 miuntes, or until cooked through.

O

M

G

(I think you know what to do with the daiquiri fixings)

9, Try not to eat these all in one sitting. Remember - you're on a diet! HA!

ENJOY!

A Whole Lotta Cookin' Goin' On

Over the past two weeks I have really been busy in the kitchen trying out some new recipes. Due to a long night of drinking last night in celebration of my upcoming birthday, I'm incredibly tired but plan on posting the following recipes later this week:

Valentine's Cookies
Garlic Butter
King Cake
Mystery Rolls

All of the above are guaranteed to make you gain anywhere from 4 to 8 pounds. So be proactive and get to the gym! Just don't make this mistake.

A Blast From The Past

My sister and I recently were trying to remember a Christmas movie we used to watch as kids. I've noticed as I've gotten older that the children's Christmas movies from my generation are, frankly, creepy. We didn't think they were creepy at the time, but I mean, remember clay-mation Rudolph? CREEPY.

I digress.

We couldn't remember much about the movie, except that it involved toys that came to life when the children left the room. And these toys for some reason we couldn't recall ventured downstairs to the living room on Christmas Eve.

Through an email exchange today, we remembered discussing this movie the other day. Since we're both corporate monkeys and sit at computers about 95% of the day, we commenced our respective Google searches. Almost immediately, we each found the movie on the Internet Movie Database and simultaneously emailed each other with the excitement that we had found our beloved creepy film. Shockingly, it's down 2% in popularity this week.

Although you can purchase this movie online, based on the reviews it appears that the DVD version doesn't include the Kermit cameo or the sing-a-long of all the toys, including the formerly dead but magically resurrected ones, at the end.

You read that correctly. Dead toys. It was the 80s. Gimme a break.

You can also watch it for free on You Tube in five parts. Which I did today. Unfortunately, the Velveeta commercial I remember fast forwarding through on the VHS version we recorded from TV is not included.

You Know You're Married If

You weigh more than what you weighed when you started trying to lose weight for your wedding. Shit. Why do I feel like if I must eat everything today just in case there's no food left in the world tomorrow?

Oh right. The economy. There's a DISTINCT possibility I could actually not have food tomorrow.

I hate to make this a forum about weight, but it's hard to avoid it when my stomach is obstructing my hands' access to my laptop keyboard.

I Heart My Husband

Don't worry, I got him a little bit more than I originally intented.

A Valentine's Present For Matt

Because I'm in a loving mood, I'm going to put my purses up where they belong as my Valentine's Day present for my husband. No longer will we have a purse hanger taking over our breakfast nook.

Yep. That's just how much I love him.

A Recently Overheard Conversation in a Public Restroom

Teenage Girl #1: "Ugh."

Teenage Girl #2: "I know."

Teenage Girl #1: (bathroom noises)

Teenage Girl #2: (giggling)

Teenage Girl #1: "I am never eating Denny's again."

Nope. Me either.

You Might Be A Public Accountant If...

You can feel your ass getting bigger during the day while sitting at your desk.

Just Curious...

Would anybody really be upset if Katy Perry never sang "I Kissed a Girl" again? Because I wouldn't.

The Housewife Wannabe Cooks: Roasted Garlic Mashed Potatoes

I noticed today that I had a bag of potatoes that were about to start rotting tomorrow. Since I knew Matt and I wouldn't be able to eat five baked potatoes each today, I thought I would make my first ever attempt at mashed potates. Plus, we made it through a weekend without any newlyweds-adjusting-to-living-together arguments, so... CELEBRATION! Not once did we want to strangle each other!

So I began the internet search. I didn't want anything too complicated and I didn't want to buy stuff that I would not have another need for for another 8 months. I finally settled on this one from allrecipes.com since I love the flavor of garlic. It turned out really well and was suprisingly easy. No need to be a seasoned housewife. Which is good. Since I'm not.

Ingredients:
2 lbs. potatoes
1/2 c. milk
4 T. butter
salt and pepper to taste (I used sea salt and seasoned pepper)
1 medium head garlic
1 T. olive oil

1. Preheat oven to 350.

2. Drizzle olive oil over garlic and wrap in aluminum foil. Bake for one hour.

3. Boil a large pot of salted water. While water is heating, peel and dice potatoes into quarters.

4. Add potatoes to boiling water and boil until tender, approximately 15 minutes.

5. Squeeze softened garlic cloves after cooled.

6. Mix cloves with milk, butter, salt and pepper.

7. Drain potatoes. Add potatoes to mixture of other ingredients and mix with an electric mixer. Don't overbeat, because the chunks are the best part!

ENJOY!

ROFL

Pretty much the most hilarious website ever. EVER

Living Room Transformation: Part I

When we purchased our home, I would estimate that we loved about 75% of everything that the house featured. I was fully aware that when we were searching for a house we wouldn't find one that met every specification or want we had on our list. If we wanted that, we'd have to build and we didn't have the money for that nor did we want to go that far out of the city. And let's be honest - I would have been able to complain about a brand new house too. I've really developed that skill into an art form in my 26 years.

Many of the things we loved included updated floors, kitchen and bathroom counters, and most of all, the floorplan. Our living room is in the middle of the house and is incredibly open and airy. The former owners however had absolutely NO TASTE and decided a dijon mustard with a hint of baby shit green would go beautifully with the naturally red undertones of the brick fireplace and hardwood floors. See exhibit A:

I just threw up a little bit in my mouth.

On top of that, they were simply incapable, awful painters. See exhibit B:

Repainting the living room (and the freshly painted avocado green dining room) were definitely number one on our priority list when we moved in. However it's difficult to find manual laborers who will take credit card as payment, so we had to wait until we had saved enough liquid cash to paint. Which means I felt like I was living in a baby's diaper for the first four months we lived in our house.

BUT! HAZZAH! one day in November we realized we had saved enough money. So we had our living room, dining room, and entryway painted. See exhibit C:

I no longer felt like I lived in a jar of Grey Poupon! Unfortunately while our walls looked beautiful, our furniture did not. The hand-me-down sofa and chair/ottoman with baby formula stains (we do not have children) and the TV stand from college lacked style. Not that two accountants have much style. But we like to pretend.

So we began the quest for living room furniture. The quest that would result in frustrations and a few arguments. Our shopping excursions actually began long before our living room was painted which is probably why if felt like it took months. Because it actually did. But once we had that fresh coat of paint we got SUPER! SERIOUS!

I think we had so many difficulties for primarily two reasons: 1) we have only one solid wall in the room against which the TV would be placed and 2) Matt is a mammoth beast requiring a long couch. Exhibit D (some of my friends say he looks like Mr. Incredible. Yes, the cartoon character):

With the help of a lovely woman at Ethan Allen, we finally settled on this number:

We are thrilled with our purchase and are looking forward to our additional throw pillows coming in.

I also struggled with the purchase of a TV stand that would match a coffee table and an end table. I know that some people might find all matching incredibly boring, but I have to indulge the OCD in me. We finally settled upon this collection from Haverty's. The lovely woman at Ethan Allen might not be pleased. But we are:

Yes, I realize there is no rug, our furniture is on no scratch pads, and the walls are blank. We're working on it. And at the rate we're going, we should have wall hangings sometime in July.

OMG

I want to make this. NOW.

You Know What's Embarrassing?

Walking into the gym, only to realize your class started 15 minutes ago, making a 180 degree turn and promptly leaving. I hope the girl at the front desk didn't notice.

The Housewife Wannabe Cooks: Cakeballs

As many Americans are doing on this sacred day, Matt and I are going to a Superbowl Party and of course that means food, Food, FOOD! In addition to my infamous salsa which my old roommate Colleen used to practically eat with a spoon, I somehow I got the brilliant idea that I should make cake balls.

I'm hosting a baby shower for my friend Lindsay in April, and of course I want them to look perfect by then, so I need to practice on Matt's friends (read: they're not into details and don't care what food looks like).

Now read what I'm about to say very carefully: these take a while! While they're not difficult, they are not for the patient (I didn't say too many four letter words while making them), and they're not for the individual looking for a "quick" dessert. If you are looking for a quick dessert however, I recommend you start these and stop after step 1.

I've added the recipe and pictures below. In trying to get into the spirit of things, I made white balls with red candy coating and chocolate balls (remember that South Park episode?) with yellow candy coating. In order to darken the chocolate up a little bit, I added some blue food coloring.

Ingredients:

1 boxed cake mix

1 can frosting

1 package almond bark

1. Bake the cake according to the directions. (This is where you stop if you want the quick dessert I mentioned above).

2. After allowing it to cool completely, crumble the cake in a large mixing bowl.

3. Stir in almost an entire can of frosting/icing and mix thoroughly. I found it was best to use my hands.

mmm... chocolate-y!

4. Try not to eat the whole pan with a spoon. You're not quite finished yet and failing to complete step four properly could lead to a day spent in bed or on the toilet. And no one will want to come eat your balls if that happens. Do no ignore the teachings of step 4!

5. I refrigerated the mixtures overnight, but I would recommend refrigerating them at least for 30 minutes. If they're a little cold, step 6 is easier.

6. Roll into 2 inch balls.

7. Freeze for at least 30 minutes.

8. Melt the almond bark/candy wafers according to package directions.

9. Roll the cake balls in the melted almond bark/candy wafers.

Ignore the fat forearm - this camera has some really bad angles! Maybe something's wrong with it. Like how our dryer has magically started shrinking all my clothes!

10. This is where the frustrating part comes in if you are type A or obsessive compulsive like myself. Transfer the candy balls to a cookie sheet lined with wax paper. BE FOREWARNED - Unless you are a professional or have some sort of crazy dipping tool, the balls will not come out looking perfectly round or smooth (If you are a professional though, what the hell are you doing reading my website?!? You should not be coming to me for advice). I used a fork to lift them out of the candy but tranferring them to the cookie sheet result in all sorts of dents and imperfections in the candy coating. Again, this is why I'm practicing with Matt's friends.

Hmm, the close up shot really shows how imperfect they are. Maybe a shot from above would look better?

Guess not....

Here's the final product.

I melted some plain white and chocolate almond bark and drizzled over the balls for added dramatic effect. And also to hide the imperfections in the balls. Probably should have added some food coloring to the chocolate so that it would have looked more black... but I was exhausted. And I live in Dallas. No one here cares about who wins. Good thing they taste delicious! ENJOY!